At yesterday's luge event in Vancouver, BC, Adolph Spiftfinhoffer became airbourn on what is regarded to be the world's fastest and most dangerous ice chute. Spiftfinhoffer arrived at the XXI Winter Games with a new high-tech sled designed by his team of German scientists who were confident that their prototype, fitted with Teflon encrusted iridium runners was ready for its first real test. He was the only one of the German Team with this kind of tricked-out tool and was excited to chance the potential of its setting a new standard for the sport as well as having promised his mother that he would bring home a gold medal. But the Bavarian madman lost it on the third turn after reaching a speed of 306 miles per hour, breaching the overhanging snow of the 30 degree bank. He proceeded to soar toward the urban center of downtown Vancouver and was spotted by several pedestrians, his vapor trail clearly visible in the cloudless sky.
He was later rescued after plunging into Puget Sound by Lindsey Pearlman Buzkutt, known as "Buzzy," who had called in sick that day to go mackerel fishing. Buzkutt, a little annoyed as he had just encountered a major strike, having rowed into a migrating school of his favorite fish, pulled the athlete from the water. Spiftfinhoffer, though shaken was okay but disappointed as he had hoped to awe the crowd at this year's XXI Games by breaking the sound barrier and while pulling the kelp off his spandex suit he told reporters, "Vel, dess ohveys next time, yah?"
He was disqualified from the rest of this year's events but remarked that it was great to be part of the "za games, za' beer, parties and more of za' beer and of course der fraulines' ha ha..!" and hoped to rejoin his fellow athletes at future Olympic parties.