Sunday, February 21, 2010

Rhode Island Bans Wallmart Expansion

Citizens of Rhode Island are considering a referendum vote to shut down the construction of the newly proposed Wallmart Gigantic Super Center citing that the new store would not fit within the state’s geographical boundaries. In a town hall meeting, voters, though grateful for the world’s largest retailer’s “Roll-Back” pricing, felt having to move to the surrounding states to live would prove too costly.

At a gathering at the Providence Civic Center, consumer advocate groups, environmental organizations and a standing-room-only crowd of concerned citizens voiced their objections to Wallmart’s board of directors. CEO Mike Duke said the plan included “moving coupons” to help defer the expenses of relocation and promised a fifty percent mark-down on any overstocked flat-screened televisions.

In the Q and A, following the meeting, Eric Spoover, a member of the grassroots organization, “Consumers Against Expansion Near Our Homes” suggested that “wouldn’t it be better if Wallmart chose a larger state like Delaware or better yet, Texas?”

Duke replied that plans were already underway to build in Delaware but that Texas was out of the question citing that in comparison to the state’s massive square milage it would not make the company’s Super Gigantic Centers seem any bigger than the Super Centers of which there were already some eleven thousand in the state and counting.

The meeting lasted close to three hours, and ended peacefully. In the parking lot I caught Spoover and asked if he was pleased with the outcome He responded “Yes. I think so” but scratching his head and looking a little nonplussed, he said that he “could not stop thinking about the deal on those flat-screened TVs.”

Coming next:

“Bin Laden Rocks Out!: Now With Thicker Beard, Taliban Tough-Guy Auditions for ZZ Top.”

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Man Speaks Out At Local BK

Harold Spelver, having been laid off four years ago from his job as counter man at Radio Shack, had to resort to feeding his wife and eleven children at Burger King, taking advantage especially of their "Dollar Menu." But last Tuesday Spelver had had enough. Upon entering the store and slipping on yet another puddle of vomit outside, he, this time without wiping his feet, angrily approached the counter. A bored looking cashier with the usual "kit" of headphones, microphone, and battery pack, looking as if ready to land a helicopter, asked to take his order. Spelver replied, "In a minute but I'd like to issue a complaint!"

Before he was able to finish the pilot look-alike said to him smiling "Sure sir! I can help you with that and handed him a questionnaire with the title "To Better Serve You" bearing a picture of "The King" mascot, bowing while removing a cardboard crown. Confused though not swayed, Spelver ignored the several "yes/no" and multiple choice questions - questions such as:

"Do our Super Size cups continue to split and spill contents in the front seat of car?" Y/N

"Does ketchup still have used motor oil aftertaste?" Y/N

and other food questions such as:

"Quality and taste?" with multiple choice options:
a)Disgusting b) Inedible c)Fairly Un-digestible d) Yummeee! e)Keep 'um Comin!!"

Equipment and facility:
"Have you ever broken your finger in one of our straw dispensers?" Y/N

"Have you ever suffered a skull fracture(s) from slipping on our perpetually wet floors?" Y/N

"Have you ever had an asthma attack from fumes emitted by urinal and tank deodorizers?" Y/N

Spelver grabbed a sharpie from next to the cash register and wrote across the questionnaire in large capital letters : "CLEAN UP THE FUCKING PUKE!!!!!" and handed the form back to the cashier who placed it on a shelf beneath the counter.

Spelver placed his order and waited, occasionally wrapping his knuckles on the counter pleased at his charge and with a new sense of empowerment. When his order arrived consisting of six grease-stained bags weighing nearly 21 pounds and nearly a dozen plastic cups, all for about fourteen bucks, he stuffed it all in his backpack, filled the drinks with several gallons of assorted flavored soft drinks and thinking quickly, looking side-to-side, bolted for the emergency fire exit, half-turning with athletic skill and with all his weight (and that of the food) slammed upon the spring-loaded handle and ran through the parking lot, never looking back. As he drove home, he mused at his having spoken up about the vomit and of his unabashed exit and now, satisfied, sunk his teeth into his first of three Whoppers.

Texan on Ambian Sleep Med Crashes into Building Thinking Still At Home Playing MS Flightsimulator

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Damn Crazy Dreams!

Sorry folks, it's late, a bit groggy. But I keep getting this recurring memory about a war when I was much younger. The name escapes me... Oh yea! I think it was in this small country in Asia...Viet..a...Viet Nam, that's it! and as I recall nobody won that war or even felt the slightest sense of victory. Back then people were pretty scared. They burnt flags, refused to go fight.

Aw but who the fuck cares Iraq, Afwhatitsname? Iran. Hell, I made some good investments. Lost some money (I think most of us did) but its coming back. And its not like those kids are going to find any decent work here.
Can't have too many hands in the pie, if you know what I mean. This goat fuck that keeps going on over there, and the way the market's moving, I'm feeling pretty good again.

Damn though, can't shake this dream I keep having. (Probably have to increase my medication.) Like I'm standing before a black marble wall. It seemed lower than that of a surrounding promenade. There were more than fifty-nine thousand names engraved on it, some I recognized. All dead.

Crazy dreams we have sometimes. Gotta increase my medication. I'll make an appointment. I'll make an appointment tomorrow. .....Oh, phone's ringing. Probably my broker.

Cheney Releases Original Plan to Lure Out Taliban Tough Guys

As the continued debate between Dick Cheney and Vice President Joseph Biden heats up, former
Vice President Cheney made public his original plan, proposed in 2004 as to how his administration planned the capture of Osama Bin Laden. Called Project "Woolly Buggler" named after his favorite fly fishing lure, the plan consisted of an air drop of a very official looking briefcase embossed with the Presidential Seal, and clearly labeled, "NUCLEAR DEVICE: TOP SECRET" to land near the Pakistani border. Laying out the plan before the Joint Chiefs, one, who asked to remain nameless, pointed out the incredible stupidity of such a plan, at which the angry, then Veep, invited all the Joint Chiefs to go quail hunting with him.

When asked recently if he had any more plans to lure out terrorists, the former VP replied "None of you're f---king business!"

Southwest Airlines Removes Passenger For Wearing Stupid Hat

Bi-Athlete Shoots Into Crowd Of Spectators

Biathlon contender, Bjorn Svensen, accidentally fired his rifle into a crowd of spectators attending the XC event. Giving the last leg of the course his all, Svensen, nearing a gold medal, reached the last target with fogged goggles. Upon mounting the shooting platform he aimed his weapon and into the crowd before officials were able to turn him around and point him toward the actual target range.

The the bullet perforated the cup of a Venti hot-chocolate just purchased by Morton Glesch for which he paid twenty eight bucks for at a Starbucks concession located just behind the bleachers. Uninjured, though now nearly broke, Glesch charged the athlete but was held back by the OC security staff.

Republicans In Attempt To Curb Spending Urge Obama To Start New War With Iran

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Luge Man Goes Airbourne

At yesterday's luge event in Vancouver, BC, Adolph Spiftfinhoffer became airbourn on what is regarded to be the world's fastest and most dangerous ice chute. Spiftfinhoffer arrived at the XXI Winter Games with a new high-tech sled designed by his team of German scientists who were confident that their prototype, fitted with Teflon encrusted iridium runners was ready for its first real test. He was the only one of the German Team with this kind of tricked-out tool and was excited to chance the potential of its setting a new standard for the sport as well as having promised his mother that he would bring home a gold medal. But the Bavarian madman lost it on the third turn after reaching a speed of 306 miles per hour, breaching the overhanging snow of the 30 degree bank. He proceeded to soar toward the urban center of downtown Vancouver and was spotted by several pedestrians, his vapor trail clearly visible in the cloudless sky.

He was later rescued after plunging into Puget Sound by Lindsey Pearlman Buzkutt, known as "Buzzy," who had called in sick that day to go mackerel fishing. Buzkutt, a little annoyed as he had just encountered a major strike, having rowed into a migrating school of his favorite fish, pulled the athlete from the water. Spiftfinhoffer, though shaken was okay but disappointed as he had hoped to awe the crowd at this year's XXI Games by breaking the sound barrier and while pulling the kelp off his spandex suit he told reporters, "Vel, dess ohveys next time, yah?"

He was disqualified from the rest of this year's events but remarked that it was great to be part of the "za games, za' beer, parties and more of za' beer and of course der fraulines' ha ha..!" and hoped to rejoin his fellow athletes at future Olympic parties.


Saturday, February 13, 2010

Second Coming Of Christ Thwarted By New Airport Security Measures

Had to remove this one receiving arrest threat from Republican National Security Committee, citing that "HE" was in fact, from the Middle East, and "His" detention was in fact a response to the recent events surrounding the "Christmas bomber" explaining that this was "probably" just a coincidence but was no longer able to take any chances.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Noam Chomsky Interviewed By Chris Matthews on "Hardball"

Last week Chris Matthews of MSNBC's Hardball had as his guest, author and Professor Emeritus of Linguistics at MIT, Noam Chomsky.

A transcript of this interview is featured here.

Matthews: "I'd like to welcome Professor Emeritus of Linguistics at MIT and author of several books to Hardball. Welcome Professor!

Chomsky: "Good to be here Chris!"

Matthews: "Now tell me professor, what chances do you think the Obama administration has of achieving its goal with respect to the campaign promises made by him prior to his election?"

Chomsky: "Well Chris..."

Matthews: "I mean do you think the president has any chance of putting forth any of the changes this country may need at this time?"

Chomsky: "I think, Chris..."

Matthews: "Were the promises he made during his campaign realistic or just a sort of ..well let's say, a naive belief on his part that we would have a truly bipartisan approach to issues such as bank bailouts or healthcare reform?"

Chomsky: "I think Chris..."

Matthews: "I mean professor do you believe that the Republican Party is purposefully trying to perhaps, sabotage the Democratic Party's majority vote in congress in their own hope of regaining control in 2012?"

Chomsky: "Chris I think..."

Matthews: "What's your real opinion on what the hold up is? Because I think that's really what's going on here myself. I think that the president's ideas for policy are right on the money and he was elected by a majority was he not?"

Chomsky: "He was in fact elected by..."

Matthews: "I mean a majority by both the popular vote, electoral vote and so on, has to have real some clout one would think.?"

Chomsky: It does Chris but what I think we're dealing with here is..."

Mathews: "I mean with that kind of electoral clout you'd think we'd be more further along on issues than we are currently dealing with here. That it's the Republican Senate that does not want this man or for that matter any of his party to speak the will of the people. What are your thoughts on that?"

Chomsky: "Well Chris as I started to say..."

Matthews: "And let ask you this professor, what kind of a name is "Noam?" I mean did your mother or your father give you that name?"

Chomsky: "Well as a matter of fact Chris it was..."

Matthews: "I mean was it your father or mother that decided to name you Noam? I know there's a town in Alaska called Noam but I think it's spelled with a "K." What? That's my producer over there.. what?... She's nodding no... no "K?' oh! N_O_M_E ..okay...Okay Viv, my producer Vivivian Borkess. Okay Viv... ha ha ha... I owe you one. It's Nome, no "K."... Or was it professor, one of those birth certificate typos?"

Chomsky: "No Chris actually..."

Matthews: "I mean sometimes when a child is born and say the parents name her "Jessica" but on the birth certificate it's spelled with only one "s" and the parents decide to leave it like that, I mean it may be because, you know it's unique, that their daughter is unique, is that what happened with you?"

Chomsky: "Chris, "Noam" is actually...."

Matthews: "I mean did your parents maybe do the same thing?"

Chomsky: "My parents actually...."

Mathews: "Did your parents, your mother or father, I don't remember who you said named you that...did your parents choose that name or was it one of those typos that sometimes happens on birth certificates?"

Chomsky: "Well "Noam" is..."

Matthews: "I mean maybe it was supposed to be "Norm" like short for "Norman" or ah... let's see ... of ah ... biblical reference like "Noah" only maybe it was one of those typographical errors that sometimes happens at hospitals?"

Chomsky: "No actually I was born...."

Matthews: "But I think we're getting off the point professor. Do you think Obama's chances of being re-elected in 2012 are becoming less promising?"

Chomsky: "Not at all Chris, in fact I think..."

Matthews: "Noam" I still have a hard time with that."
Well thanks professor, we've run out of time but will have you back soon on Hardball. Coming up next when we return I'll have as my guest, conservative writer for Newsweek and political commentator George Will. Stay tuned. This is Hardball."


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

God Panics as Copyright of Holy Book Nears Expiration

Sorry folks, I had to remove this post having received death threats from devout Christians.

Lyrical Analysis

Having recently become a subscriber to XM/Sirius Radio I am afforded the opportunity to revisit the songs of my youth on a station called "The Bridge," a program of light rock going back to the late sixties. On my way to the local discount beverage store, a favorite tune of mine came on by none other than Sir Elton John. It was "Rocket Man", a timeless lyric especially today when NASA is more active than ever with its mission to explore the solar system and that the possibility of putting a man or woman on the surface of Mars is no longer science fiction. But having once been employed as a proofreader/editor of some lousy magazines, I am to this day unable to free myself from examining the written word, both lyrical and prosaic. And so here lies the rub.

The song, "Rocket Man" for the most part is perfect. Having only a limited knowledge of song writing, I do know of a practice used by many artists in composing lyrics called "verse filler" or sometimes "line filler." A perfect example of the latter is the Lennon-McCartney hit, "When I Saw Her Standing There," the line being, "She was just seventeen and you know what I mean....." The second half of the line which McCartney originally wrote as , "She was just seventeen, a real beauty queen..." was changed by Lennon to the former example. It was cool, suggestive and so perfect that it managed to sneak by the censorship of radio shows and record companies, unlike the the line in "I Want To Hold Your Hand," where in the chorus was originally written as "...its such a feeling that my love, I get high, I get high..." which had to be changed for performance and publication to, ".. its such a feeling that my love, I can't hide, I can't hide..." It still works but somehow dampens the transcendence of falling in love as a teenager. That was John Lennon and I miss him dearly. But I digress.

The song "Rocket Man" is nearly perfect except for the third verse which is written as "...Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact it's cold as hell. And there's no one there to raise them, if you did."

So what Sir Elton is basically saying is: "Mars isn't a place to raise your kids and if you decided to raise your kids there, there wouldn't be anyone there to raise them if you did in fact, decide to raise them there."

It bothers me but I still like the song.

But I think that one of the greatest blunders in songwriting has to be attributed to one of the greatest song writers of a all time and in one of his greatest songs. Though I wasn't much into him when I was younger, I have grown to appreciate the music of Neil Diamond. But I have a problem with the song "I Am, I Said." The song contains one of the best lines in popular music: "...LA's fine but it ain't home, New York's home but it ain't mine no more..." and one of the worst which comes in the chorus: "...I am I said, to no one there, and no one heard, not even the chair..."

What Diamond suggests here is that inanimate objects around the house, our dressers, desks, stoves and, of course chairs are not only aware of our presence but are listening when we start talking to ourselves and that they have the capacity to tune us out if we become boring or absorbed in self-pity.

But as with the previous example, I still like the song.

Now if you wasted your time reading this, I hope it does not put you in the trap that I am in and apologize if it has. Forget it and enjoy the music. There are too many great songs. And except for the classroom and other forms of institutionalized learning, we must remain free to appreciate, feel and fall in love letting the music take us there.


Michael Jackson's Doctor Uses Ultimate Healing Technique To Cure Ailing Pop Icon

Nothing much else to say about the man who taught me to love dance. Miss you Michael.


Palin blasts Geitner for using r--word and praises Limbaugh for use of r--word

Limbaugh explains proper use of r--word and instructs screeners to not allow access to call-in dittos who use n--word. Though Palin requests same treatment for c--word.

Geitner says he never uses c--word but prefers b--word when angry at girlfriend and apologizes for using r--word.

Beck and Hannity say n--word ok if used in quotes. But c--word offensive though okay for Hillary Clinton.

Obama apologizes for use of r--word on Leno in reference to bowling in White House.

A--h--word heard a lot in Senate Chambers and sometimes f--word as well.

Pelosi gets thrill out of using d--word in House and once called another House member of same gender b--word.

Martin Luther King III says ok for him to use n--word in quotes and context by finds b--word and c--word utterly offensive as does Michelle Obama.

"God" beginning with capital letter hard to use for atheists and e.e. cummings.

b--word perfectly acceptable in reference to female dog.


Saturday, February 6, 2010

Palin "Teas" Off

As the keynote speaker at this year's Tea Party Convention in Nashville, Tennessee, Sarah Palin shared her broadened knowledge and scope of the problems with America's "once prized and valued system of democracy." Citing the failures of our current administration in its effort to control spending, Palin, not realizing that he had died more than five years ago cleverly juxtaposed in her speech, birthday wishes to former President Ronald Reagan. (It was early in her speech and she was probably still a little nervous.) Sharing the same beliefs and merits of the former president, she quoted:
"that government can't solve the problem, that in fact, government is the problem,"
citing that the sooner we get rid of government regulation on the banks and financial institutions, the sooner the wealth of our country will be realized by these institutions and banks and "darn few regular folks as well."
"Darn it folks! We need an administration that solves problems!"

This time, not quipping about lipstick and pit bulls, she mused that she had friends in the lower forty eight. Though none in Hawaii.

"I still can't believe that Hawaii, (rolling her eyes) the birthplace of our charismatic teleprompting President is actually a state, I've always considered it just an island or a bunch of 'um I guess"
She then commented on the fact that real speeches are read from paper and the palms of our hands giving speakers and politicians alike the privilege and opportunity to avert eye contact with their audience in the event that they may sometimes have to sway from the truth to be re-elected.

On taxes, national security, and spending, she was ruthless though still charming.
"Yes its true that President Bush missed the actually country of the terrorists by some three thousand miles, but if we are going to miss by that much we should have attacked a much smaller and less culturally diverse nation, like the Peninsula of Sinai (sic) or something.... and by attacking a smaller country we could have saved not only the lives of our brave soldiers but the American tax payer billions of dollars. Aw heck C'mon people! there are Arabs and Muslims there too and some of 'um I betcha' gotta be terrorists!"
The crowd reacted with a standing ovation.

Her speech continued on the track of management or "mismanagement" of our tax dollars by the current administration. She emphasized the waste in spending on small pet projects and special interest groups asking why this money wouldn't be better used for, in her opinion, more important pet-like projects and groups of important special interest. And not being afraid of the political backlash, she exposed the lies of the current administration's accounting of bailout expenditures but noting as well that the government's numbers on unemployment were right on.

Though her comments on the Supreme Court were brief, she shared her concern for the treatment of citizens and non-citizens of this country noting that what we needed were good judges that didn't have to resort to the constitution for their decisions but knew the real difference between right and wrong.

As cameras panned the room, I noticed some of the attendees had by now drawn their handkerchiefs. I myself became emotional.

Palin may well be the Republican Party's answer to loosing the next election, as she attempts to lull the American public into a deeper and even more profound stupidity causing members of her own party to distance themselves from her adding even more punch to her self-proclaimed "rogee'" nature, expressing that, " that "hopee'" and "changee'" stuff of the Obama administration didn't seem to be working." As she stood at the podium, one could not help sense the passion she feels for the need of major change with respect to our nation's direction - that it was time that we may want to dispense with democracy and allow the beauty of a democracy, the will of a democratic people, to be able to choose a proper candidate for office and not rely on the Democrat (sic) Party to do so.
"But our friends on the other side of the aisle don't seem to see it that way."
I think the height of her speech came as she expressed our current administration's softness on nation security and terrorism in having allowed a "homicide bomber" to fly on one of our airlines and how after he was arrested and put into custody, given his rights, under law, to remain silent.
"Can you believe that. We are expected as citizens, to abide by the laws of the Constitution, while this terrorist is breaking them!"
What Palin suggests here, and I strongly agree, is that as Americans we have the right to dispense with our laws when we feel it necessary to solve certain problems, and then go back to following them - a welcome echo no doubt, of our past administration - a time when only a few disasters compromised our national security. And one cannot help but remember the reaction of former President Bush as he pounced immediately upon the opportunity to rename the NSA to The Department of Homeland Security, a veritable poke in the eye to terrorists letting any and all nations "outside our borders" that meant us harm, know, "that this was our home land, the land of our families and home of our friends, our loved ones and people and land and homes and anyone else who lived within our borders full time... even those in Hawaii."

The reaction of the crowd by this time was demonstratively clear - that this former governor of the largest state in the union, a state that you could fit two Texas's in, a state that on a clear day was within view of a sleeping enemy, could win the electoral vote in twenty twelve. But this writer believes that she must play it cool. The two years left before the national election should give her more than enough time to read a few history books, the Constitution, and ramp up!

Palin furthered her opinion on national security explaining that the time for talk, even tough talk was over and though she was specific earlier in her speech that war may not be the answer, that it was in fact, time to
"stop the talk and begin to negotiate; we need to provide countries like North Korea and Iran with sanctions and also to limit imports and exports and aid to these rogue countries. And if the sanctions and limitations didn't work then it was time to talk and heck yea!, talk tough!"

I was surprised if not impressed by the Tea Party Convention's turnout fearing that it was going to be yet another display of re-enactment costumes, illiterate and angry Americans that like this writer, have not yet accepted that an articulate intelligent person of color, not to mention, former community organizer had the nerve to set his sites on leadership and by majority vote, occupy the White House (though it was plain by the glazed look on some of the male attendees faces that they couldn't help imagining her "bent over and beggin for it." But as I observed the audience, there were in fact some people who dressed normally and looked kind of smart. It is this writer's belief that the grassroots effort of this non-political movement had grown from being a sub-compact to a full-size SUV. It is my hope that it will soon become a freight train, a veritable tour de' force de' buffoon - that we as Americans have the right as granted by the 2nd Amendment to bear arms and to carry those arms to any and all manner of "peaceful assembly."

Go get 'um Sarah! you betcha.


Massachusetts Finally Gets It

Over a week ago the voters of Massachusetts elected Scott Brown as their new senator who will now occupy the chair of "the Lion." Massachusetts has not had Republic senator since Edward Brooke lost the election to John Kerry in 1979. Though Kerry still serves we can all sigh and take a deep breadth knowing that we are at least halfway there in welcoming the Commonwealth back into the Union. This writer believes that it is no coincidence that the state of the First Tea Party elected a man within a few weeks of the New Tea Party's first organized convention.

It is amusing to think that the intellectual arrogance of the Democrats backfired. Did they really believe that their state was so liberal that they wouldn't even have to vote to replace the late Edward Kennedy. An act of God? Maybe, for it was Albert Einstein who said when discussing the infinite complexity of the cosmos that "God does not throw dice." Well it looks to me like He does have the power to throw elections.

Massachusetts long deemed as the most liberal state in the Union will finally be able to rejoin the rest of us Americans in providing We The People with real American values. We can now begin to crawl out from under the pansy thumb of a state that believes in gay marriage, abortion rights, wind surfing and draconian laws on gun control and become further removed from the control of dynastic families. The Kennedy club fades into the dunes of Martha's Vinyard and we can now expel ourselves from the nepotistic principles that poison our political system. Though I still think the Bush family was a good thing for this country.

What is especially important is that Brown will revisit the issue of capital punishment, further removing the United States from the grip of European liberalism and other civilized nations. He believes that there are crimes so heinous that those that commit them should be put to death by our hand and our system of justice but promises that our methods of execution will be far more humane than those of countries in the middle east.

We can relax knowing that the junior senator will return us to a proper degree of capitalism in providing families (that can afford it), health care through private insurance companies allowing these businesses to earn greater profits to invest in Wall Street which could provide more jobs and lower taxes. And by limiting taxation families and businesses that couldn't afford suitable health insurance will have no excuse not to exercise their right to pay premiums no matter how high they get.

So congratulations and welcome back Bay State! The revolution your great ancestors led over two hundred years ago was not a waste of time after all.


Boehner Put's It Before America

As Americans face further abuse from the practices of the healthcare industry there is only one man that seems to have a clear vision and solution to the rising costs of healthcare. Representative John Boehnor, of Ohio's eighth district has on more than one occasion, shown the American people his plan. At a recent news conference the congressman, looking as though he had just returned from Aruba, his tan enviable by any standard, he presented the public with a blue folder which he held over the podium as he addressed a modest crowd of reporters. He explained that "the real plan will be in a blue folder like this one that I will show the American people in few days."

Boehner kept his word. Only two days later he appeared during another news briefing, blue folder in hand, this time the folder containing paper. Judging by its bulk, one could see immediately that his plan and that of his party's, had substance. It was thick, it was real, it was right before us. Yet to this day, even with such blatant, visual evidence, THE BILL, THERE... IN HIS HAND!, remains unnoticed and and will be by no means read by the party of majority in the House. But as a committed server of the public, Boehner persevered. At yet another press conference he held the bill in hand, this time, having removed the blue cover, preferring now a large paper clip to bind its pages, the leaves clearly visible adding even greater proof, if not credibility to the bill's existence as well symbolising strong, his party's commitment toward frugality. With his faithful right hand man and muse, Representative Eric Cantor of Virginia's 7th District standing stoically with obvious concern though less tanned, directly behind him, Boehner shouted, "Clips cost less then covers." The audience applauded with admiration and amusement, impressed by the congressman's gift for both phrase and alliteration.

Boehner then posited the overwhelming consequences of a "universal healthcare bill," citing that to pay for such a bill would involve an increase in taxes for working families and small business.

"By attempting such a program, each and every American would see a tax increase of at least six hundred dollars a year, they would be paying little to nothing else to be fully covered in all matters of illness, from doctors visits to long term hospitalization. With our plan, and I am referring to this one I'm holding, drafted by myself and my honored Republican colleagues, the eight to eleven thousand dollars a year you pay for coverage for your family, your children, your loved ones to private insurers, will remain intact with no additional taxes!! I REPEAT, NO ADDITIONAL TAXES!! I might add that not the government but your insurer will be able to chose the hospital as well as physician for the method and length of treatment saving both you and your chosen doctor the time and inconvenience of having to wade through a thorough and proper diagnosis and the possibility of a cure."

Boehner then raised the copy of the bill above his head one more time to an enthusiastic crowd.

"It's all in here my friends!"

I requested a draft copy of the bill a few weeks ago and was assured by his office that I would receive one soon. I am sure that judging by the representative's words and the thickness of the document, that this is a bill that cannot be ignored or overlooked by the American people. Upon its arrival I will share its contents on this blog and provide a link to where can be reviewed by all.

Now here I must take a moment at the unwillingness of Congress and of the American people; that the forfeiture of such a bill that I believe to be the solution to this country's healthcare crisis may never gain passage. The fact that our system of highways, public schools and fire departments rely on our tax dollars and adhere to certain principles of socialism, I still do not believe that a service as crucial and important as healthcare ought to. If we privatized the highways we would be paying only the industries in charge of their construction and maintenance. Though it may cost us as individuals a few thousand dollars a year to travel to and from work or our favorite vacation spot, we would still be saving HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS IN TAXES!!! To put this in perspective, imagine going home from your job, paycheck in hand realizing the full dollar value of your hours of labor. No tax withheld and being able to (though of course obligated through free choice, pay a few hundred dollars per month at most, per car (as most American families own more than one) to your "highway utility company." Just think of the savings in tax dollars.

The Department of Transportation estimates that it will cost taxpayers 4.2 billion dollars in the coming year for the maintenance of our roads and bridges. Why can we not pay for this out of our own pockets instead of our tax dollars!

Let's get together on this one citizens of America!!

I await the arrival of a copy of the drafted bill from the offices of Representative John Boehner at which time it will be posted and deposited in The Kitchen Synk.

Next Post - Palin "Teas" Off!