Saturday, February 20, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Man Speaks Out At Local BK
Harold Spelver, having been laid off four years ago from his job as counter man at Radio Shack, had to resort to feeding his wife and eleven children at Burger King, taking advantage especially of their "Dollar Menu." But last Tuesday Spelver had had enough. Upon entering the store and slipping on yet another puddle of vomit outside, he, this time without wiping his feet, angrily approached the counter. A bored looking cashier with the usual "kit" of headphones, microphone, and battery pack, looking as if ready to land a helicopter, asked to take his order. Spelver replied, "In a minute but I'd like to issue a complaint!"
Before he was able to finish the pilot look-alike said to him smiling "Sure sir! I can help you with that and handed him a questionnaire with the title "To Better Serve You" bearing a picture of "The King" mascot, bowing while removing a cardboard crown. Confused though not swayed, Spelver ignored the several "yes/no" and multiple choice questions - questions such as:
"Do our Super Size cups continue to split and spill contents in the front seat of car?" Y/N
"Does ketchup still have used motor oil aftertaste?" Y/N
and other food questions such as:
"Quality and taste?" with multiple choice options:
a)Disgusting b) Inedible c)Fairly Un-digestible d) Yummeee! e)Keep 'um Comin!!"
Equipment and facility:
"Have you ever broken your finger in one of our straw dispensers?" Y/N
"Have you ever suffered a skull fracture(s) from slipping on our perpetually wet floors?" Y/N
"Have you ever had an asthma attack from fumes emitted by urinal and tank deodorizers?" Y/N
Spelver grabbed a sharpie from next to the cash register and wrote across the questionnaire in large capital letters : "CLEAN UP THE FUCKING PUKE!!!!!" and handed the form back to the cashier who placed it on a shelf beneath the counter.
Spelver placed his order and waited, occasionally wrapping his knuckles on the counter pleased at his charge and with a new sense of empowerment. When his order arrived consisting of six grease-stained bags weighing nearly 21 pounds and nearly a dozen plastic cups, all for about fourteen bucks, he stuffed it all in his backpack, filled the drinks with several gallons of assorted flavored soft drinks and thinking quickly, looking side-to-side, bolted for the emergency fire exit, half-turning with athletic skill and with all his weight (and that of the food) slammed upon the spring-loaded handle and ran through the parking lot, never looking back. As he drove home, he mused at his having spoken up about the vomit and of his unabashed exit and now, satisfied, sunk his teeth into his first of three Whoppers.
Before he was able to finish the pilot look-alike said to him smiling "Sure sir! I can help you with that and handed him a questionnaire with the title "To Better Serve You" bearing a picture of "The King" mascot, bowing while removing a cardboard crown. Confused though not swayed, Spelver ignored the several "yes/no" and multiple choice questions - questions such as:
"Do our Super Size cups continue to split and spill contents in the front seat of car?" Y/N
"Does ketchup still have used motor oil aftertaste?" Y/N
and other food questions such as:
"Quality and taste?" with multiple choice options:
a)Disgusting b) Inedible c)Fairly Un-digestible d) Yummeee! e)Keep 'um Comin!!"
Equipment and facility:
"Have you ever broken your finger in one of our straw dispensers?" Y/N
"Have you ever suffered a skull fracture(s) from slipping on our perpetually wet floors?" Y/N
"Have you ever had an asthma attack from fumes emitted by urinal and tank deodorizers?" Y/N
Spelver grabbed a sharpie from next to the cash register and wrote across the questionnaire in large capital letters : "CLEAN UP THE FUCKING PUKE!!!!!" and handed the form back to the cashier who placed it on a shelf beneath the counter.
Spelver placed his order and waited, occasionally wrapping his knuckles on the counter pleased at his charge and with a new sense of empowerment. When his order arrived consisting of six grease-stained bags weighing nearly 21 pounds and nearly a dozen plastic cups, all for about fourteen bucks, he stuffed it all in his backpack, filled the drinks with several gallons of assorted flavored soft drinks and thinking quickly, looking side-to-side, bolted for the emergency fire exit, half-turning with athletic skill and with all his weight (and that of the food) slammed upon the spring-loaded handle and ran through the parking lot, never looking back. As he drove home, he mused at his having spoken up about the vomit and of his unabashed exit and now, satisfied, sunk his teeth into his first of three Whoppers.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Damn Crazy Dreams!
Sorry folks, it's late, a bit groggy. But I keep getting this recurring memory about a war when I was much younger. The name escapes me... Oh yea! I think it was in this small country in Asia...Viet..a...Viet Nam, that's it! and as I recall nobody won that war or even felt the slightest sense of victory. Back then people were pretty scared. They burnt flags, refused to go fight.
Aw but who the fuck cares Iraq, Afwhatitsname? Iran. Hell, I made some good investments. Lost some money (I think most of us did) but its coming back. And its not like those kids are going to find any decent work here.
Can't have too many hands in the pie, if you know what I mean. This goat fuck that keeps going on over there, and the way the market's moving, I'm feeling pretty good again.
Damn though, can't shake this dream I keep having. (Probably have to increase my medication.) Like I'm standing before a black marble wall. It seemed lower than that of a surrounding promenade. There were more than fifty-nine thousand names engraved on it, some I recognized. All dead.
Crazy dreams we have sometimes. Gotta increase my medication. I'll make an appointment. I'll make an appointment tomorrow. .....Oh, phone's ringing. Probably my broker.
Aw but who the fuck cares Iraq, Afwhatitsname? Iran. Hell, I made some good investments. Lost some money (I think most of us did) but its coming back. And its not like those kids are going to find any decent work here.
Can't have too many hands in the pie, if you know what I mean. This goat fuck that keeps going on over there, and the way the market's moving, I'm feeling pretty good again.
Damn though, can't shake this dream I keep having. (Probably have to increase my medication.) Like I'm standing before a black marble wall. It seemed lower than that of a surrounding promenade. There were more than fifty-nine thousand names engraved on it, some I recognized. All dead.
Crazy dreams we have sometimes. Gotta increase my medication. I'll make an appointment. I'll make an appointment tomorrow. .....Oh, phone's ringing. Probably my broker.
Cheney Releases Original Plan to Lure Out Taliban Tough Guys
As the continued debate between Dick Cheney and Vice President Joseph Biden heats up, former
Vice President Cheney made public his original plan, proposed in 2004 as to how his administration planned the capture of Osama Bin Laden. Called Project "Woolly Buggler" named after his favorite fly fishing lure, the plan consisted of an air drop of a very official looking briefcase embossed with the Presidential Seal, and clearly labeled, "NUCLEAR DEVICE: TOP SECRET" to land near the Pakistani border. Laying out the plan before the Joint Chiefs, one, who asked to remain nameless, pointed out the incredible stupidity of such a plan, at which the angry, then Veep, invited all the Joint Chiefs to go quail hunting with him.
When asked recently if he had any more plans to lure out terrorists, the former VP replied "None of you're f---king business!"
Vice President Cheney made public his original plan, proposed in 2004 as to how his administration planned the capture of Osama Bin Laden. Called Project "Woolly Buggler" named after his favorite fly fishing lure, the plan consisted of an air drop of a very official looking briefcase embossed with the Presidential Seal, and clearly labeled, "NUCLEAR DEVICE: TOP SECRET" to land near the Pakistani border. Laying out the plan before the Joint Chiefs, one, who asked to remain nameless, pointed out the incredible stupidity of such a plan, at which the angry, then Veep, invited all the Joint Chiefs to go quail hunting with him.
When asked recently if he had any more plans to lure out terrorists, the former VP replied "None of you're f---king business!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
